Honestly, if we want to truly vanquish Voldemort from the country, we need to get rid of the Supreme Court’s conservative majority. Now, I would never wish ill upon anyone, so I’m just hoping that – prior to the end of Obama’s second term – Scalia, Thomas, or Alito will have an intense and insatiable desire to spend more time with his family and will step down, because OMG: America can’t take much more of this.
I’m thinking of announcing that I have created and joined a new religion: Smoofism. The deity we worship – The Great And Wise Smoo – has decreed that it is an affront to the Universe to pay taxes to a bellicose government, and so my corporation does not have to pay any taxes. The Great And Wise Smoo has also decreed that – in order that Smoofism may remain a dynamic and relevant religion – the tenets of Smoofism must never be written down, but only passed from person to person as it is revealed to them by The Great And Wise Smoo.
I predict several questions from the prosecution when I am inevitably dragged into court for nonpayment of taxes. Questions to try to determine whether Smoofism is relevant. “How many followers does the religion have?” they might ask.
To which I would reply that the number is indeterminate, but likely around 3 billion people. I would elucidate that according to The Great And Wise Smoo, if anyone, during their lifetime, converts to Smoofism, then they have always been a Smoofist. Smoofism retroactively applies, in other words. So there are 6 billion potential Smoofists, and at least one (me), the average of which is about 3 billion. So 3 billion seems like the most reasonable estimate.
They might also question the youth of the religion, having been founded less than a year prior, and question its validity on that score, to which I would reply with the following questions: Scientology was founded in 1952 or 53; does its youth invalidate it as a religion? Christianity was founded in approximately 33 AD with the appointment of Peter as the first Pope. In 34 AD, was Christianity an invalid religion? In which case, how many years did it take before it was valid?
Eventually, they would be forced to concede that my very religious corporation was, in fact, exempt from paying taxes on religious grounds, and Smoofism really WOULD have 3 billion followers: all corporations.
Smoofism: the #1 religion of corporations everywhere!